Recently I have been thinking quite a bit about the many benefits of reading. As a mother and a reading teacher, I am convinced that there are few skills we can teach our children which more enrich their lives than that of reading.
I love this quote by George R.R. Martin: “A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only once.” from A Dance with Dragons
One of the greatest benefits of reading is its ability to build empathy. Studies have shown that children who read are better able to empathize with others–precisely because they have “lived a thousand lives.”
Think about it. What lives have you lived through reading? I have been Anne Frank forced to hide from the Nazis yet changing the world through my story. I have been Frodo Baggins climbing Mount Doom, the fate of Middle Earth resting on my shoulders. I have been Laura Ingalls sitting in the back of a covered wagon, seeing the country change before my eyes.
And I am so much richer for the experience.
Helping Children Build Empathy Through Reading
My personal experiences with reading, my study of reading pedagogy, and my interactions with hundreds of middle schoolers who read passionately have left me sure of this: parents and teachers can help children build empathy through reading.
How?
1. Be a reader
Read. Read a lot. Talk about what you are reading with your child. Talk about what you are learning from your reading. Discuss how reading can make you feel and see new things. Be a model for your child. When children see their parents reading, they are more likely to become readers themselves. Let books become a part of your family culture and experience.
2. Read Books Together
Have a family book club. You can listen to an audiobook or read it out loud together. Ask questions as you read: “How do you think this character feels now?” “How would you react to that situation?” “What do you think the character should do now?” By helping your children place themselves in the character’s shoes, you are teaching empathy.
3. Do Your Research
Find books that will help you children understand a new culture, a different ethnic background, etc. There are so many excellent books out there that deal with disabilities, race relations, religious differences, and more. These books can be invaluable in helping a child learn to appreciate and empathize with others.
Not sure which books to suggest? Ask your child’s teacher or librarian. I absolutely love recommending books (in case you can’t tell!), and I know that other teachers do, too. Part of our job is to keep on top of recent literature, and we would love to share our knowledge with you.
4. Share Your Story
Tell your child about the books that have influenced you. Read them together. Try to explain why this character has stuck with you for so long that they are now a part of who you are. By doing this you will not only help your child build empathy, you will share yourself as well.
My Recommendations: Books That Build Empathy
Younger Children (K-4)
The Hundred Dresses (short chapter book about a girl is bullied at school)
Sumi’s First Day of School Ever (picture book of girl who doesn’t speak English goes to school)
The Friendship Puzzle (picture book on becoming friends with someone with autism)
Rules (chapter book about having a sibling with special needs)
My Brother Charlie (picture book about having a sibling with autism)
Older Children (over 5th grade)
Diary of Anne Frank (Jewish girl during the Holocaust)
Prisoner B-3087 (Jewish boy during the Holocaust)
Wonder (a child with a facial deformity goes to school for the first time)
The Running Dream (a girl who loses a leg in a car accident learns to run again)
Out of My Mind (a girl with a disability struggles to make her thoughts heard)
Inside Out and Back Again (girl who immigrates to the U.S. from Vietnam learns to adapt)
Brown Girl Dreaming (memoir of an African-American girl during Civil Rights era)
One for the Murphys (a girl in foster care discovers love)
To Kill a Mockingbird (classic story of race relations)
Let us help children live a thousand lives and learn to empathize with other people.
What books would you recommend?
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I agree, fiction is so important for building empathy! I gained a lot, and have seen my 10-year-old gain a lot, from books about relatively ordinary problems (that is, not an unusual disability but more typical children’s struggles) that are written with lots of emotional intelligence. Beverly Cleary’s books about Ramona are excellent–here’s how we used an excerpt from Ramona the Pest in a discussion about sin and repentance. When a fictional character’s problems are familiar and relatable, it’s easy to delve into your own motivations and think about what is right and wrong when dealing with a problem and what is kind and unkind when reacting to someone’s problem.
Books about people who are “different” are helpful, too. Two that I’ve read many times are Wren by Marie Killilea, a children’s story about her daughter with cerebral palsy born in the 1940s, and Karen, the same story for adults. They’re very different!! I came across Wren in the school library in first grade, and then when my dad found a used copy of Karen just months later, I was excited to learn more about her story, so he read it to me–it’s much darker and less moralizing than the children’s version, more honest and thus more educational in a way, but I also appreciate how the children’s version rather directly teaches optimism and cheerful acceptance. At the time, my father was volunteering with a girl about my age who had CP, setting up a computer to help her communicate; unlike Karen, Tracy was nonverbal and not very pretty, so the idea that a person with CP is a real and important person, with her own gifts from God, was very helpful in encouraging me to keep trying to relate to Tracy although my instinct was to turn away and try not to think about her. It was my first real understanding of the concept, “There but for the grace of God go I”: just a slight accident at birth can trap a person, and think how lonely it must be when you can’t share your ideas….
I will have to check out Wren and Karen. That sounds fascinating! Thanks for the recommendation.