It was eight years ago last week that I became an Orthodox Christian. And while the actual event (called a chrismation) took only a short time, I spent many hours, months, and years coming to that point.
Deciding to become Orthodox in no small thing. Though I had been a Christian for all of my life, Orthodoxy seemed quite foreign at first–older, more elaborate, more demanding, and just plain different than anything I had ever known. However, as my soon-to-be husband and I began reading, researching, and eventually attending an Orthodox church, I became fully confident that God was leading me to this faith.
But, would my family agree? I was afraid to find out. A couple of weeks ago I shared about how my friends and family reacted when I became Orthodox. The short version? It was a mixed reaction.
Many converts to the Eastern Orthodox Church go through the same experience. In fact, the most frequently asked question that I get is, “How do I tell my family that I want to become Orthodox?”
The short (and most important) answer is: in love and humility. If you would like a little more specificity, keep reading.
How to Talk to Your Family about Eastern Orthodoxy
1. Tell Them Directly
First, if you are seriously considering converting to Eastern Orthodoxy, tell your family directly. Because it is a big decision that can become emotionally charged, try to talk with them about it face to face. You definitely don’t want them to find out through a casual reference on Facebook!
You don’t have to make it into a big production, just let them know what you are thinking and why you have come to this decision. This can be a face-to-face conversation or over the phone if distance is a factor. E-mails, text messages, etc. can often be misinterpreted, so actual conversations are usually the most effective means of communicating.
When my husband and I began the process of becoming Orthodox, we told our parents in person. I remember how nervous I was talking to my father, then a Protestant pastor. I had knots in my stomach as I told him that my (now) husband and I were learning more about the Eastern Orthodox faith, attending an Orthodox church, and on the path to joining the Church. It was a conversation that I had been dreading for weeks. However, my father simply looked at me and said, “I always thought that if I wasn’t Reformed, I would be Orthodox.”
2. Don’t Bash Protestantism
Secondly, as you talk with your family about your desire to become Orthodox, be sure not to berate Protestantism (or whatever religious background you grew up in). This can often be difficult for new converts. For many people, there was a process of disillusionment with their religious background that brought them to the Orthodox Church. This may include theological reasons, personal experiences, a deeper knowledge of church history, and a variety of other factors.
However, it is never profitable (or loving) to try to “prove” that you are in the right by bashing others. If your conversation leads to the theological reasons (or other reasons) that you are wanting to leave Protestantism and become Orthodox, make sure that you explain in a very sensitive, humble, and loving manner.
3. Be Prepared for Common Objections
Next, your family members may have strong feelings about why you should not become Orthodox. This is especially true if they are very devout members of their own faith tradition, and if they raised you in that tradition. I have found that many Protestants tend to voice the same objections to Orthodoxy that are based on some common misconceptions about the Faith.
Last week I wrote two extensive posts about those objections and some ways in which to respond to them. You can read more at Common Misconceptions about Eastern Orthodoxy and More Common Misconceptions about Eastern Orthodoxy. Thinking through a few of these objections ahead of time may prepare you for the conversation.
4. After the Initial Conversation, Let Them Bring It Up
After you have the initial conversation with your family, I recommend backing off of the topic of Eastern Orthodoxy until they bring it up. Many people may need some time to think about what you have said, to do a little reading and research on their own, to pray, or just to calm down. Make sure to give people that space and time.
Many converts can become so excited about their new faith that they want to tell everyone about it. While this desire is certainly good, you also don’t want to alienate your family or turn them away from Orthodoxy. Instead, let your family members ask questions when they are ready.
In our experience, some of our family members did ask to learn more. Both my father and one of my brothers asked if we had any books we could recommend. They read Bishop Ware’s The Orthodox Church and discussed it with us. Other family members would ask questions occasionally in casual conversation. By not pushing them, we were able to maintain good relationships with our family members and have fruitful conversations if and when they wanted.
5. Live A Faithful Life
Once you have informed your family about your decision to become Orthodox, the absolute best thing that you can do is to live a faithful life before them. This is obviously not done in an ostentatious way for show, but through your everyday life. Through the way you treat others. Through your gentle spirit. Through the “little church” of your family life. Through your involvement in your parish. Through the way you raise your children. Through the way you humbly ask for forgiveness when you are wrong. And the list goes on.
As our Lord said, “Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your father who is in Heaven.”
6. Invite Them to Come and See
Finally, invite them to experience the Faith for themselves. If you have family over, invite them to join you for prayers. If people visit you, invite them to come to Liturgy with you on Sunday morning. When we are visiting our family members who live out of state, we attend Orthodox churches in their town. We will invite family to come with us. Invite your family to come to your children’s baptisms. This may bring up even more questions (some of which I’ll address next week when I write about chrismation and baptism), but invite them anyway.
If they choose not to come, don’t push. Just let your family know that you always welcome them in Church. And, who knows, they just might come.
My parents were very supportive when my husband and I became Orthodox. They came to our chrismation, attended Liturgy or Vespers with us whenever they were visiting, came to baptisms, prayed with us, and more. Through the grace of God, my parents were chrismated this past Pascha and are now part of the Orthodox Church. We will visit them this summer, and I can’t wait to attend Divine Liturgy with them and partake of the Eucharist together. What a blessing!
Talking to your family about Eastern Orthodoxy can be daunting (and even downright scary at times!). With a loving and humble spirit, however, you can have a conversation that glorifies God.
Did you talk with your family about becoming Orthodox? How was your experience? Do you have any suggestions to add?
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