It was nearly eight years ago that I became an Orthodox Christian. And while the actual event (called a chrismation) took only a short time, I spent many hours, months, and years coming to that point.
Deciding to become Orthodox in no small thing. Though I had been a Christian for all of my life, Orthodoxy seemed quite foreign at first–older, more elaborate, more demanding, and just plain different than anything I had ever known. However, as my soon-to-be husband and I began reading, researching, and eventually attending an Orthodox church, I became fully confident that God was leading me to this faith.
But, would my family agree? I was afraid to find out.
Many converts to the Eastern Orthodox Church go through the same experience. In fact, over the past month, I have gotten so many readers asking me about my family’s reaction to my conversion to Orthodoxy, that I have decided to write a short series on the topic. Over the next couple of weeks, look for posts about:
- Common objections to and misconceptions about the Orthodox Church that many families raise
- Tips for speaking to family members who are unsure about or opposed to Orthodoxy
- Basic explanations for Orthodox baptism and chrismation that may be helpful for non-Orthodox
Today, however, I want to get personal and share my own story.
How My Family and Friends Reacted When I Became Orthodox
Last year I shared my conversion story–the story of how God brought me to the Orthodox faith. I was raised in a devout, Protestant home where my father was a pastor in a Reformed Church, my grandfather a pastor in a Baptist Church. I went to a small, Christian liberal arts college where I took many classes on the Bible, theology, and missions along with the courses for my English and Spanish majors.
Then I decided to go to a well-known Protestant seminary to earn my Masters degree in World Missions with an emphasis in Cross-Cultural Teaching. Next I went to the Zuni reservation in New Mexico where I taught in a Christian school for two years. Because of my upbringing, I knew the Bible well, had a solid understanding of Protestant theology, was filled with a godly desire to love and serve others, and had a caring community of friends and family in the faith. It was a good background, for which I am grateful.
However, through my soon-to-be husband, God began leading me to the Orthodox faith. (You can read more about that here.) As we began telling our friends and families, we experienced a variety of reactions.
Reaction of Friends
Many of our friends were also seminary graduates who were very intentional and thoughtful about their theology. They raised strenuous theological objections to our conversion. Some were very kind in the way they approached the discussions, but others were not.
Some friends told us directly that they didn’t believe they could remain friends with us once we became Eastern Orthodox. This occurred a few times during our first year as Orthodox Christians and was the source of much grief. I spent hours crying to my husband, my mother, my godmother, and my priest frequently during that year.
Other friends, however, kept in touch while avoiding the topic. We are able to be “Facebook friends” and share our parenting struggles and joys, major life events, etc. Part of this drifting away is the result of several moves, time and distance, and changes in life circumstances. It probably would have occurred regardless of our religious beliefs.
Now that we have been Orthodox for several years, it really is no longer an issue. My husband and I make friends with people in our local church and at work and keep in touch with those friends from the past who wish to do so.
Neutral Reaction from Family
Telling our friends about our new faith was one thing–telling our family was another. Both my husband and I come from close-knit families and were nervous about explaining our decision to become Orthodox to them.
Some family members had a fairly neutral reaction. They asked a few questions and left it at that. They seemed to understand that we were still devout Christians, were committed to the faith, and would raise our children in the Church. And, that was enough.
We will occasionally have discussions about points of theology or liturgy, but they are never heated. We still love each other, support each other, spoil each other’s children, and pray for each other. The fact that my husband and I are now Eastern Orthodox just isn’t an issue.
Supportive Reaction from Family
Finally, for a few members of our family, the reactions were incredibly supportive.
When I told my father, a pastor, about our decision to become Eastern Orthodox, I was literally shaking. However, after a deliberate pause, he said, “You know, I always thought that if I wasn’t Reformed, I would be Orthodox.”
He and my mother came to our chrismation, to each of our children’s baptisms, sent icons to our children for their baptisms, and attended Divine Liturgy with us every time that they visited. My father and my husband also talked theology whenever they were together.
And, last year my parents told me that they were becoming catechumens in the Orthodox Church. They were chrismated on Pascha this year. I can’t wait to attend Divine Liturgy with them and receive the Eucharist together when we visit them this summer. God is so good!
I am so grateful that our conversion to Orthodoxy did not create a rift in our families, but rather brought us closer together. I know, however, that this is not the case for everyone. In the next few posts in this series, I hope to give hope and practical tips for those of you who are going through similar experiences.
If you became Orthodox, I would love to hear about the reaction of your family. Do you have any thoughts or advice to add to the discussion? Let me know in the comments!
I’m really looking forward to this series, especially the tips on how to speak to your family. My husband and I have been attending an Eastern Orthodox Church since November and are now going through the Catechism class. Both of our families are Protestant and have shown great concern, even some sarcasm. Our friends, on the other hand, have been more supportive and ask us questions. I’m praying our families will get to that point as well. Thank you for doing this series!
Zoie, I will join you in praying for your families. I hope that you’ll find the series helpful!
Thanks for sharing Sarah, and that’s wonderful about your parents. I was first introduced to the church through my now-husband that was born and raised Orthodox.
My background in a nutshell: I was raised Evangelical Protestant (non-denominational). However, as a young adult, I went to a Roman Catholic college, took several courses in religious studies and attended a Catholic church around that time. I was always really intrigued by all the rituals, prayers, and traditions. (I’ve often wondered if I’d known about Orthodoxy then, if I would have embraced it much earlier!). Later on after college, I went through a period of not going to church very often, but then eventually attended a Methodist church with friends. However, despite being part of the music team, I never truly felt “at home” there and wasn’t really sure why. Fast forward a couple years later, I was first introduced to Orthodoxy by attending a Divine Liturgy with my now-husband’s extended family when he first took me to meet them. I had no idea what was happening most of the time, and a lot of it was in another language, but I felt so moved and so at peace there – it was indescribable. From there, my journey began. I started meeting with the priest at my husband’s church and studying, and was baptized a year later.
My husband’s orthodox family and friends were obviously supportive, some even attended my baptism. My mom doesn’t really seem to quite understand it and occasionally still makes comments that aren’t exactly supportive. My dad, on the other hand, asks more genuine questions out of curiosity and seems to be generally accepting of it. Extended family has been mostly supportive or at least indifferent. AS far as my friends from the church I had been attending prior to this- aside from a couple close friends that have been supportive, I don’t hear from them anymore. My husband and I recently attended a party for one of the supportive friends that was moving away, and several people I’d known before were there – some people I’d even been on the music team with – and they wouldn’t even acknowledge us. That was really awkward to say the least – it was like we weren’t even there. Yeah. I never had people tell me straight up that they couldn’t be my friend anymore like you mentioned though. Some just drifted away, which may have happened regardless.
It’s been a few years since my conversion and I’ve met a lot wonderful people through my church now – many of them also converts from similar backgrounds or considering converting. So that’s been a blessing!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It seems that you, like me, had sort of a mixed reaction from others when you converted. By the way, if you ever want to write a 500-1000 word essay about your conversion, I’d love to print it here. I have a guest post series on “My Journey to Orthodoxy” and am always looking for more stories.
Thanks Sarah! I’ve started to write out my story a couple of times over the past couple of years. Maybe this will be the motivation I need 🙂
My husband has been a catechumen for almost a year and will be baptized this coming year. I am an inquirer and will become a catechumen soon. I just resigned at my church as the Associate Pastor of Youth and Families. I have been a pastor in the Holiness tradition for 6 years, went to a liberal arts college, studied abroad in Jerusalem where I learned about Orthodoxy, and I haven’t felt right remaining Protestant since. I was willing to stay in my denomination pastoring as long as I felt God had work for me there, but I sense I have been released and am happy to say I will be joining our local Antiochian church.
However, my family is a different story. My mom is quite willing to be happy for us although she has yet to embark on asking serious questions about the Church and her knowledge is limited. However, I know my mom, and she has been supportive thus far and trusts our judgment in theological matters. My dad, on the other hand, is a classic narcissist, and ever since I began individuating when I was about 18 and had different ideas about God than what his 5-point Calvinist world allowed, we have grown distant. This is not due to a lack of effort. I am no longer the reproduction of him in younger, female form and have dared to disagree, so I suffer the consequences of that. I still honor my father. He is not a totally awful person as some suppose when I mention some of the emotional abuse I have endured. However, it breaks my heart that our desire to convert is just another rift in our relationship. Will he come to my chrismation? Our children’s baptisms? I do not know. It breaks my heart that he continues to choose to belittle me when we disagree instead of respecting our differences.
My older brother has considered becoming Orthodox himself, so I am not concerned there. My other brother and little sister are not believers, so as long as we are happy, they could care less, haha.
My best friend is Roman Catholic, so we mostly just make fun of each other.
Most of my other friends are supportive or just ignorant of Christian faith in general. In many cases, I am their only Christian friend. So they are glad for us.
The pastor I work with has shown incredible grace throughout this journey, and I am thankful for his support. I am worried about the parishioners of my church as we have yet to announce my resignation. They were very confused when my husband stopped attending, and above all, I want them to know this isn’t a condemnation or rejection of them. But they also suffer from some pretty bad Rome-a-phobia, so they may not be able to distinguish between what I’m doing and their many fears of liturgical styles of worship.
So, long story short, some good reactions, some bad reactions, and some that I’m not sure about yet.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Rachel. I pray that the relationship between you and your father is healed so that there may be peace between you. Leaving a church that you have been a pastor at is definitely tricky. I have several friends who have done similar things, and will be praying for you. May God bless you and your husband as you embrace the depth of the Faith found in the Church. Keep us updated!